Sukesih. She is the one who was speculated to be the gold mine. By the place, the time and the situation that have been such unpredictable, Tampa does not now care at all though the gold mine is left only as a dream. He has been turned to a brave man who endeavors the bitter love until there is no more condition in loving Sukesih. He is no more wooly by the question: am I lucky or wretched falling in love?
*
But on the tenth day of being separated from Sukesih, Tampa is starting to feel some unpleasant physical state of affairs. He is in Sumedang; confirms himself that he’s caught stressed. Not by the fear of being left by Sukesih, who is now in Jakarta; because that is out of possibility to happen. He instead is at the edge of his demeanor to cope with his immersion of Sukesih.
Cortical has reached an extreme level in his body now. He is worried about the decline of his brain power if it is all disregarded; his stomach gets chubby. But he is worried most about wrinkles on his face. Being aged is the most evaded thing for him. So, now he’s figuring out the alleviation.
“Try some jogging,” he is reminded by Opang’s suggestion; Opang is his best friend in the hometown.
That may be a good idea. But when Tampa is strapping his shoelaces, he kneels down, and feels his neck, shoulder and feet are inflexed. That is all because the chemical balance of his brain is distorted by the stress, so his muscles are retrenching. Tampa gasps, then is slowly rising to stand.
Now, he is holding to the door slope of his room. His feet should work by themselves to get out of the shoes with untapped laces. He turns around and towards into his room. The destination: the computer desk. Just when his butt touches the cushion of the chair, he feels pain in his head. The retrenchment of his neck and shoulder has moved about to the head so he is having now a tension headache.
Oh, God, how could I jog? Oh, Sukesih. When can we meet again? I am so tortured by your one-month program.
Tampa buffs inside. He nearly cries. But he’d done so many mistakes by not obeying Sukesih’s advice when they were still side by side, and situation got to be chaos since then. Now, he is trying to stand a bit longer and just believes in what Sukesih wants – one month separated.
All Tampa can do now is placing his right hand on his left shoulder. With a circling motion he’s trying to find his pain spots, then strongly presses them while counting to thirty and releases the hand. He is doing this repeatedly. Still his head is dizzy.
“Tampa, here’s a glass of milk for you,” he has no idea when his mother came into his room. He is for a second shaken. His mother has been behind him. She puts the black porcelain mugs on the CPU.
“Thanks, Mom. You knew I was awake?” Tampa’s hand reaches the mug’s ear and pushes the mug to his lips.
“I heard your alarm. You’re going jogging?”
“I cancel, I think,” he cancels to drink. Now he feels pain on his jaws. For that, he whines.
“Why?” his mother bents over slightly, trying to examine Tampa’s face.
“My jaws hurt,” while holding his jaws, Tampa gets up and slowly pushes aside his mother’s apprehension. He feels like a sick boy. But in this kind of situation, his mother’s apprehension is a bit relieving. At least he’s aware that his mother is one of the things that he still got, beside Sukesih.
“Better rest. What’s the point of exercise when you’re being sick?”
“Yes, Mom,” then she leaves him alone again in his room.
As his mother’s gone, Tampa makes a fist and holds it under his chin. Then he opens his mouth while restraining the movement of his jaws with the fist. He counts to ten and the pain lessens. Now he sits on the edge of the bed. His legs still feel tensed. He tries to softly massage his calves, the heel to the knee. It goes fifteen minutes and he falls asleep.
*
Eleven a.m. Tampa wakes up, still in a sport outfit - a white badminton short, a white basic tee and khaki socks.
He gets up and is unable to sense his own thoughts. Even to recognize his own mind, he is so doubtful. He can’t decide what to think now. So, he wanders around in his 4x5 room. In his mind, Sukesih’s face flies and fades, Jakarta Map glidingly shows and fades. The dark and light of a discotheque and the crowd of people inside are blinking then fade. He can’t focus, he can’t concentrate. Then his phone is ringing. Doubtful again, he reaches his cheap hand phone on the desk.
“Opang”. Oh, My God. Tampa barks at himself inside. He’s just remembered that he had an appointment with Opang. He promised to accompany the best friend to Bandung, to find a boarding house. Opang is a Bandung hotel school graduate and will start working in one of the hotels there the day after tomorrow. “Hallo, Opang. Sorry, I just woke up. You may come now. I need to shower first,” as he hangs off the phone, Tampa takes his socks off and right away goes into the bathroom. Inside the bathroom, he exhales deeply, slowly, and feels his rib cage expands in every breath. When he feels a bit more relaxed, he starts the bathing.
Eleven thirty. Opang has been waiting for Tampa changing clothes in the room. Wrapped in a tight white shirt, a black leather jacket and a blue jean, Opang hands in a rolled newspaper to Tampa. “Look at the ad today. Do you know where it is?” then Tampa starts examining the classified ads on the column of “KOST”. Tampa frowns, for normally he can read clearly in a natural distance. Now he has to bring the newspaper closer to his eyes so his can read those little letters on it.
“What’s wrong with my eyes? Mmmh, I know where this street is, though,” after an attempt to reduce the width of his pupils, he can read clearly. “Ok. Shall we go now?”
“Let’s go.”
*
When Opang’s car reaches Cileunyi area, Tampa’s ear keeps buzzing. Not for a long time, though. Then Tampa feels on edge, restless and is unable to focus to the conversation with Opang. This causes short and shallow breaths, thus his body is lack of oxygen. That is why he’s been always yawning during the trip. He also belches a lot. And Opang is amazed by the circumstances happening to his best friend. “What’s wrong with you? Still infatuated with your girl? Relax, man, one month is short. We should have fun here,” Opang now seems to understand what’s happening to Tampa. When they arrive in Bandung and have paid the down payment for the boarding house, they spend times inside Bandung Indah Plaza and stop by the food court for lunch. “What will you have?” Tampa takes a minute to decide what to order. He feels his heart beat is faster than normal. He as well feels dryness in his throat as the result from the heavy thoughts that makes his saliva lessened.
“I’ll have Black Forest and a decaf, I think.”
“Sure? What’s wrong with the soft drinks? You’ve always had soft drinks.”
“I’m being stressed out. Thus I suck more air. To prevent hiccup, I should skip the soft drinks, milkshake and gum for a while.”
“Right! Up to you.”
“Opang, please remind me later to buy Isotonic drink. I began sweating. You know, when you’re stressed and sweating too much, your muscles may have cramps,” so it is. When he’s home, Tampa changes his shirt for his adrenaline gets boosted and his armpits stink. His feet are cold, wet and weary. Then he opens the cupboard and gets an antiperspirant spray that he usually uses for his armpits only. This time, he sprays it to his feet as well. When he’s gulping down the Isotonic drink, Tampa feels the muscles of his lower back are strained for sitting too long today. Then he stretches his legs forward and tries to reach his toes with his both hands. He holds the position for ten seconds. But at the third try, his stomach puffs up. Yes, it was ineffectual having a decaf, while there was hidden caffeine in the Black Forest. So, Tampa goes hurriedly into the WC.
There is no excrement, only a clamorous of bubbling sound in his bladder, followed by a warm hissing fart. And, he can’t urinate.
*
Day 28. This means he’s been separated from Sukesih for 672 hours. The reason that Sukesih suggested was that they should’ve been able to equate their love with each of their personal interest to steer clear of foolishness that happened a lot to them. And Tampa has just realized this today. He’s collected some money to resume his small business in Jakarta, which is candle making that was derelict by his togetherness with Sukesih. The money was collected by selling the rest of the products in his hometown. But his addiction to Sukesih stays. It’s been three days he’s caught flu, for the stress has made his immunity deteriorate against virus.
*
Day 29. Flu has gone out of his body. All the circumstances in the previous days have disappeared. Because Sukesih suddenly showed up at the door, saying, “I’ll start working in Sudirman area next week,” and Tampa can have his erection back, for his narrowed blood vessels resulted from psychological effect and anxiety, have restored.
*
(Jakarta, 17 February 2006)
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