A Joke

Life is a serious experience for me. It involves determination and choice. Like when you were abused as a child and the next days ahead you had a yearning soul for the gentle touches of the abuse. You were traumatic and manifested such a longing for the full feeling between your thighs and the excitement of grabbing that thick long meat in your hand. You became determined and chose to live with it.

I’ve been very serious with my gayness. I have no doubt about it. Because all negative comments from those against us – gay people, always ends up a joke. At least we always have counter attacks to authorize our being in forms of jokes. One of them is that in the beginning God created human in three sorts of gender: male/female, male/male and female/female. Then God split them into halves and each half needed to find each other to reform the original entities. That’s what has made us.

I have my own defense. It was once said in a dream - I and my boyfriend were in China for a vacation. There we met an old guy who chewed us out because we showed intimacy in public during our stay in a beautiful villa near Shanghai. He said we shouldn’t be around straight people to do that; that we should only gather with gay people to do that. I was furious and yelled at him, “Shut up, Uncle. Mind your own life. Why should I care about what you said? I’m not bothering anyone, huh? And do you think you’re right? You never know the truth, old man. What if the truth is being straight is abnormal? What would you say or do? What if the truth is that we are supposed to be all gay? What if the truth is that we’re not supposed to reproduce? What if the truth is that the long known history of human being so far is not the truth? What if the truth is that it’s been all a lie? Huh?? Answer me!” And the old guy was speechless and I laughed as he went away.

Since then I’ve been more serious with my relationship with my boyfriend. I was more determined when one night before we went to bed, my boyfriend made me largely choose to live forever with him, by asking, “Honey, if we were women, would you take me as your lesbian lover?” I answered, “Yes.” And we laughed all night long.

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(Karawaci, 9 July 2006)